When my marriage ended, we did not have a custody arrangement. I had 3 minor aged children (including my step-son) and they visited their dad when he was around. He travelled a fair bit for work and was never interested in being a full-time parent. It was in the middle of the covid insanity, so i was not able to seek out a lot of help and support as the Canadian government banned absolutely everything. I resented my ex-husband for letting me raise his affair child and then leaving once he was near adulthood. I resented him for not recognizing or acknowledging my sacrifice for him. I resented him for fighting tooth and nail to pay as little as possible while i still providing security and shelter for his children.
Lately, I feel God has been asking me to let this bitterness go. I have come across several books that have been so enlightening regarding who is really harmed by my bitterness. It’s me. It’s hard to slow down and take the time to read a book in today’s fast-paced life. But for anyone who can manage that discipline, I would strongly recommend When You’ve Been Wronged by Erwin Lutzer and The Bait of Satan by John Bevere. Both books provide incredible insight to how damaging it is to hold onto bitterness. The people that hurt us might never apologize. They might never acknowledge what they’ve done or how much they’ve wronged us. But the more successful I am in letting go of my bitterness, the easier it is becoming for me to move past the betrayal to a more peaceful life.
It isn’t easy to let go of a grudge because it isn’t easy to let go of what feels like my right to avenge myself. What if my ex-husband never has to feel the consequences of what he did? What if his life really just keeps getting better. Our children are all grown now. His business that he didn’t want to share with me when he left has grown more successful. By all appearances, he is doing amazing. And now I’m supposed to get over his betrayal and abandonment? I didn’t like that idea at all. But this isn’t about him escaping consequences, because he might not. But if he does or doesn’t, I am still responsible for the kind of life I live. Bitter people are hard to be around. They often have a legitimate grievance. But they are also very draining. Do I want that to be who I am? A bitter ex-wife? Will my children want to spend time with me if I am consumed by how their father treated me?
I want peace and I want people to feel peace from me. Bitter and unforgiving people don’t generally draw people to Christ. That is what I want. I want my life and my testimony to be about Christ and not about how angry I am at someone else.
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